Segway

I don't like tourists, and I think I can safely say that my relationship lies somewhere towards the hate side of the love-hate continuum. But it's still a tub-of-war. Let's be clear, there are some tourists who are totally fine. Those are the adventurous, curious-but-respectful, un-assuming type of tourists. They don't mind having to talk through two languages and they don't mind cultural idiosyncrasies like differences in tipping and transportation. But then there are the loud, obnoxious, and bossy tourists who can't handle anything that doesn't seem to go their way. By sight it's hard to tell the two different, but more often than not (in my opinion), the bad tourists are the most obvious tourists. For that reason I try to not look like a tourist when I travel. I wear normal clothes (read: no fannypacks), try not to do touristy thing (read: no tour groups), etc. Here's where the catch-22 comes in. Tourism is one of the driving industries of New Orleans, and most of the Quarter thrives on business from tourists. Even though I love to hate tourists, I acknowledge that the location of tourism in the economic atmosphere of New Orleans is, and has been, crucial to its survival after Katrina. Still, I think tourists "suck." Maybe I'm being irrational, but I've never been able to shake my distaste for looking like a tourist.

That said, let me relate my recent foray into the dreaded world of tourism. Today, Carolyn and I took a segway tour of downtown New Orleans. This is probably the most touristy thing I have ever done in my life. Before we got there I was so excited. I've always wanted to go on a segway, but I've never had the chance (or the money!). So when Renée, my boss, told us that NolaVie would pay for a segway tour, Carolyn and I jumped on it. I've always thought that a segway would be AWESOME. For people who have watched Arrested Development (I am a fanatic), you can't think of segways without thinking of GOB, who would climb up mounds of dirt (and pretty much anything else too) on his segway. You definitely CANNOT do that on a segway. We even asked our guide if it was possible, and she said no, unless you had a special off-road segway (which may or may not even exist). Regardless, you can't even ride over a curb without throwing off the balance, so driving over mounds of dirt would be impossible.

Our tour was at 2:00 and we were the only ones on it, which I suppose was nice, but is made it a little awkward too. Our tour guide Dawn started by teaching us how to ride a segway. Dawn is originally from Louisville, Kentucky, but moved to New Orleans after having visited it consistently for more than 10 years. She was one of the best tour guides for anything that I have ever had, and she made learning to ride the segway super easy. It seems really hard at first, but once you get used to it, it's pretty easy. The segway is powered by a gyroscope, which reacts to your body movements, which is sooooo zen (kidding). Riding the segway was super fun, sort of like riding a roller coaster, actually. It's really hard to explain what it feels like, but the same feeling you get when you step on the ground after skiing or rollerblading also happens after riding a segway. I was a little bit nervous at first to actually ride it because the roads in New Orleans are littered with potholes. I'm not kidding when I say that riding a bike in New Orleans would be comparable to riding a bike in Rome, and that is something I NEVER want to do. Also, the drivers in New Orleans are on crack, which made it that much more interesting.

What I didn't like about the segway were the looks we got from passer-bys. Most of them were friendly or curious, but some of them were disdainful. I even heard somebody that "That's so fucking stupid." I suppose that that is a similar attitude that I would have had upon seeing tourists on a segway, but it was embarrassing when it happened to me, because I felt that we were being obnoxious. The tour was also only sort of interesting as well. Dawn did her absolute best to make it not boring (and she did succeed), but Carolyn and I had seen all of the neighborhoods we went to already, and the history part of it was only so interesting. There were some interesting ghost stories and New Orleans history included, but for the large part it was basically segways with a side of history.

I do have to say though, that I would have preferred to be on a bicycle tour. We would have seen the same things with less touristy embarrassment, and we would be getting our daily exercise. In the end, I suppose I'm still a little conflicted about whether or not I enjoyed it. The segway was a blast. Looking like a tourist? Not so much.